Just in time for Christmas, her are 17 seasonal jokes that, I hope, bring a smile to your face and Christmas spirit and cheer to your heart.
17 Bad Christmas Jokes
- what do you call a kid who doesnt believe in Santa?A rebel without a Claus 🙂
- What do snowmen have for breakfast? Snowflakes
- Why is Santa so jolly?He knows where all the naughty girls live.
- Two Snowmen are standing in a field together, one Snowman turns to the other and asks:”Do you smell carrots?”
- Did your hear about the dyslexic satanist? He sold his soul to santa
- I remember lying in bed as a kid, waiting for Santa to come…But there was always that awkward silence as he got dressed and left.
- One day a little boy wrote to Santa Claus “Please send me a little sister.”Santa Claus wrote back: “Alright, please send me your mother.”
- I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace” So I bought her nothing.
- There was this fellow who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to sort out and process all the mail that had illegible addresses.One day a letter came to his desk, addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought, “Oh boy, better open this one and see what it’s all about.” So he opened it and read: “Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100.00 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope.”
“Can you please help me?”
The postal worker was touched, and went around showing the letter to all the others. Each of them dug into his wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96.00, which they put into an envelope and sent over to her. The rest of the day, all the workers felt the warm glow of the kind thing they had done. Christmas came and went. A few days later another letter came from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read, “Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.”
“By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving bastards at the Post Office.”
- How much does Santa charge per stop?Nothing. It’s on the house.
- How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?He was hooked on trees his whole life.
- Why doesn’t Santa have any kids?“Because he only comes once a year and it’s down a dirty black hole”
- What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?Snowballs.
- On Christmas morning a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light, and next to him was a kid on his brand new bike.The cop looks at the kid and says, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” “Yes, he did.” The kid replied.
The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike.”
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket, then looks at the cop and says, “By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there! Did Santa bring that to you?”
Humoring the kid, the cop says, “Yeah, he sure did.”
The kid says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top.”
- Why has Hillary Clinton asked Santa for a 23-letter alphabet? Because she is sick of F.B.I.
- Teacher: Little Bobby do you believe in the Devil?Bobby: No, teacher, it’s just like Santa Claus. I know he’s really my dad
- Why are Santa’s deers always wet? Because they’re reindeers!
The jokes for this post were sourced from this thread on Reddit.